Friday, May 28, 2010

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Yay!


Here's Odin .. doing his favorite pastime..clapping!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Exercise, not philosophically and with religious gravity undertaken, but with the wild romping activities of a spirited girl who runs up and down as if her veins were full of wine.”

Lola Montez

Monday, May 17, 2010

If you bought enough "Melissa and Doug" toys you got a free pair of glasses

Ode got turtle ones

Drive In

Cameron and I came up with a fabulous IDEA last night
we are going to get a digital projector
hang a giant white sheet across the backyard
park our cars back there
and have a night at the drive in!!

cameron and i come up with SUCH good ideas

a little blossom landed on my window at lunch today

watching Odin sleep

Thursday, May 13, 2010

TIRed!!!


Something new has clicked ON this week in Ode's brain
He waved at me today when i came home from work! 
i flipped out!
I said OMG!!! DID you see that!!? He WAVED at me!
(he did it again this morning when i left for work, and I almost didnt get out of the house!!!)
He has started 'self serving' for a lot of stuff
he recognizes reflection vs actual thing and thinks its super cool
he shows new interest in his bedtime stories, and listens to the story and smiles at the funny parts, instead of just trying to eat the book
and a million other little things that tell you he has hooked up
tuned in
and is hungry for knowledge!
its so AWESOME
such an amazing little fella
i could watch him sleep for days




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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

R.A.W.

roman draws - i got his permission

happy chairs

Cameron got me a couple of these for Mothers Day
I love them!
they are so happy looking

grass





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Monday, May 10, 2010

Mothers Day

Mothers Day was..
sunny
dirt-filled
new plantings
birdsong
futsing about in the garden
fresh cut grass
fertilizing
flower clipping
cold water sipping on the deck
contented sighing
happy people

i didnt really do the stuff you're supposed to do on mothers day.. but it was excellent all the same

granny ..
my grandma passed on mothers day a few years back
she loved chickadees (she would sing to them.. "chick a dee dee dee!")
and in her honor
i spent some time sitting on the deck and chatting with the chickadees this mothers day
  • what i carry on of hers..
i love gardening
i make AWESOME spaghetti (she taught me)
my wiry hair ( i remember her brushing her hair and saying dog gonnit! its like tryingt o tame a brillo pad!)
i look like her in some ways

  • what i learned from her
to give my mom a break -granny used to tsk tsk me about being a pain in the butt for my mom (she is my daughter you know -she'd say)
be able to laugh at yourself
every ounce of culture I have - measely as it may be, i generally prefer the non-uppity way of doing things but some of it stuck  (she used to take us to the theatre, and ballet, and country club etc..and teach us etiquette.)

  • what i miss
her laugh
her

i spent time in the car mothers day night - talking to her, asking her what advice she'd give me at this point in my life.. who knew I would be following so closely in her footsteps? i asked her, what you you tell me to let go of? cling to, and do differently.. if you were here.
and most of all i dont forget her, because i would not want to be forgotten

happy mothers day

MoM

The past year as a mom has been one of the most harrowing I have seen. My sons are young men.. just emerging into the world as adults, that has been a turbulent time
we have learned that who you associate with can have a huge impact on your future
we have learned that people you love leave, even if you dont want them to
we have learned that other people are capable of a meanness previously undefined.. and will "dance on the backs of the bruised" (i took this from a muse song)
my eldest was in a one car accident that i dont know how he walked away from
as mom in this story
how to stand by
and watch everything you have worked your LIFE to nurture and protect
get beaten down, robbed by thieves, and thoroughly assaulted
was rough (especially when they had gotten themselves there by a rookie decision!)
knowing when to step in
and when to let natural consequences happen
sleepless nights
etc
my soul has been tried beyond what i thought i was capable of bearing
i did a lof of "bucking up"
a lot of "pulling myself up by the bootstraps"
a lot of not crying..
some grabbing the bulls by the horns
tough loving
"brave face" putting on
and "kickin' a55 and taking names" attempts
and well
im tired
and
that doesnt even cover the baby..
i tried to breastfeed him for 5 months, after returning to work, pumping at work twice a day determined to be sure he had all the vitamins nature intended..i never was able to get more than a couple ounces (after 45 minutes in the "mother's room") twice a day - i say TRIED because a couple ounces is no where NEAR what babies need to live on. I had to supplement Odes diet with formula (i cant tell you how humilitaing this was for me internally in the face of all my efforts.)
I kept going despite all of the voices in my head saying FAILURE, telling me I was PHYSIOLOGICALLY a LESS THAN mother...i kept going out of sheer will, and bloody determination that NOTHING would take THIS ONE THING away from me or Ode
I still feel profoundly ripped off...
the cold, wet shawl of failure creeps over me just talking about it.
i dont care how many websites and articles i read saying it's okay and it's not my fault.. it hung around my neck, for months. Of course Ode was utterly gracious about it, he switched between breastmilk and formula without a hitch, never complained or whined about it.

now i realize that in the grand scheme of things, millions of mothers have these troubles,
leave their kids and go to work, fathers too. but It doesnt make it less crappy if you dont want to go.
i realize that millions of parents have gone through TEENAGERS
it doesnt make it any less crappy when youre laying awake at night, wondering where they are, or if their dead in a ditch somewhere

this year as a mom has been a dark year..i have seen the inelegant, ugly, brutal and crazy 

sometimes in my own eyes in the mirror

in writing about it, im hoping to get it OUT of inside of me so i can move on, and not ROT from inside

im hoping that when it all shakes out...I dont end up like a pan that used to be good, but you heated too much with nothing in it.. and it's permanently warped

im hoping i change for the better and not the worse

maybe consider this year a forest fire
initially looks like a total loss
but in the long run allows for new growth and a healthy ecosystem

you never hear any parents talk about the teenage years, they just shake their head
maybe its because they have blotted it from their memory
there are things from this year, that i will probably never be able to discuss - feelings mainly

I am lucky
that everyone made it out alive - and relatively unscathed
I am lucky to have resilient beings for children
Im lucky for a million bad things that didnt happen
I am lucky that my husband is still standing next to me
I am lucky to have them every ONE
beyond belief

and im glad this year is HISTORY!

Ode hanging out on the deck

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

man fights ocean

few years back  i went to Maui with a girlfriend
we went to big beach one day to spend another day getting tan and watching the waves roll in
Big Beach was popular place to skim board
good waves
any ways

down the beach comes this tourist guy
decked out in full snorkeling gear

we all start snickering and giggling to ourselves - having spent a few days learning that this is not a good beach for calm water, or for even getting INTO the water!
the waves will come in and knock you on your keester on the way in.. then, to add insult to injury...RIP your suit OFF on the way out..
leaving you half naked, half drowned and sputtering on the beach

so here comes this guy

puts his snorkel on and marches into the water with his flippers on!@
gets knocked over
keeps his suit - but loses one of his flippers
he comes up sputtering and choking on seawater
barely manages to recover his flipper
and goes for it again

(we are all squealing under our breaths, giggling silently and burying our faces to hide our laughter)

the ocean SMACKS him down HARD
he jumps up like he got bit by a dog..
this time his snorkel is missing, his hair is standing straight up off his head on one side, and his suit is crooked..He bends over in the tide, like a racoon, searching blindly under the sandfilled water with his hands grasping for his snorkel

another wave comes in
we shout to warn him
but he doesnt hear
SMACKDOWN!!! again!

this time he jumps up again, not quite as fast
yells at the water
hurls a few curse words at the ocean

and in his rage THROWS HIS FLIPPER at the next wave! still cussing
the ocean out

the ocean does not care

we are all curled in the fetal position with laughter at this point

He stood there

man against sea

He glared intensely at the ocean for a few more seconds, having lost his snorkel and the flipper he threw
then turns his back and begins marching out of the water

WHAM! again

moral:

do not fight the ocean
you will not win
& people might laugh at you

Co-exist

The other day Chris saw this car weaving, in and out of traffic, driving agressively, revving his engine and honking at people in gridlocked traffic... I have a name for these people in my head "bees in a bag".. there's obviously nowhere they can go, but their pissed off and banging off the walls trying to OUT
in bumper to bumper traffic..
stinging everyone in the process.
(sometimes i am the bee in the bag i guess - despite KNOWING the futility of it)

anyways

he gets up next to the guy (as you inevitably do, because, for all their rage, and fervour and passion about getting ahead, inevitably they go NOwhere..)

and the guy has a big FAT bumper sticker


"CO-EXIST" it says


ha ha ha ha


well i guess at one point, while in a store that sells things like bumper stickers
he had an aha moment
and bought the sticker  (then promptly forgot about it!)
(or maybe it was his girlfriends car?)
(or maybe he stole it!?)


ahhh

if only we could all live up to our own ideals!

the owl piper

 The oldest kid is an owl piper (= pied piper for owls) (The above photo is not my picture)
I have seen one owl in all my life .. at dusk on a fence outside Couer d'alene Idaho

Cameron has had so many run ins with owls.. where they buzz his car head-on
i am beginning to wonder about the symbolism
he had another close encounter last week, a big barn owl flew right over his car just outside Issaquah
a few months back a big owl almost ran into him on a road up on the hill - that time his little brother was with him and corroborated the story .. this must be like the sixth owl run-in.. since he started driving!
very odd

+

we just saw the movie 'the Fourth Kind'
where the owl
is a mental picture left behind by an alien abduction, to skew the memory
** now I'm not quite sure i buy this story, as i feel like if they(ALIENS) are smart enough to build a ship that gets them here.. then they would be superior enough to just roll up on us, take people in broad daylight, and say WHAT!? what are we earthlings gonna do about it??! (chase them in the space shuttle?) i mean.. they wouldn't HAVE to be all sneaky and cover their tracks and such!? **

5.5.2010

Cameron loves his little Brother




and vice versa


lunchTIME

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Gardening - dodging raindrops for sunchokes

After having pretty much NO garden last year since i was pregnant and not that INTO it
we had a few tomato plants we bought as starts and a few other things but nothing to write home about
Im really hoping to do better this year
We've started the seeds on time, we've got the veggie beds all cleaned up and maintained
theres a few special herbs we still need to rescue from the ever encroaching lawn and a currant bush too
then
We still need to put up TRICK apples (soon!- these are old christmas ornaments, painted red and covered w supersticky goo to attract flies so the larvae dont get to the REAL apples later)
We need to bird-net the berries (last year we didnt get a SINGLE blue,straw or raspberry) thanks to our back yard having a million birds, which is great, we have feeders.. but we'd like to see some of the fruit this year!
everything is set for a good HARVEST..
cross my fingers


lettuces spinach and pak choy.. peas n onions in the background


strawberries



Odes ready to go

this is the mess the sunchoke bed WAS .. grass n all
cleaned out all the grass and divided the chokes







arrow shaped sunchoke

got so tired of running in the house everytime it rained for 20  mins.. finally just brought the umbrella out.. then it didnt rain anymore
snowball bush


the nursery..

biggest sunchokes are for dinner



chives under the potting table



radishes by the hose


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baby walnut trees